paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
