All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
