I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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