I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Enjoy the penises
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
