I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
