Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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