I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
