get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
