Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
