He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
