Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
