Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
