So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
