checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
All the doctor said was why
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
