so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
