no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
