I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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