I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize