Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
