When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
