I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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