If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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