ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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