my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
