did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
