I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
