your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the condom got lost in my hair
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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