I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
