I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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