I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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