based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
someone owes me an orgasm
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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