You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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