I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
