That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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