her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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