i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize