he puts the penis in happiness.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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