The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
