Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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