This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize