when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
