i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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