I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
