i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
