if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My vagina just recognized that song.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
