i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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