I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
