i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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