Duck Duck Cougar?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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