i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
