Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
