i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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