Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
