Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
