Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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