I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
