You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
