This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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