just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
