kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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