New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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