I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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