gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
