It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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