You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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