Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
