i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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