Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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