I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
