Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
