I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I didn't shave. On purpose
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
