I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
