This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
