Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
