Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
