Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
