Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
