I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize