R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
