what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
