Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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