He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
